Tomorrow, I am going to do something that I have put off for many years. It makes me excited and nervous at the same time.
I am enrolling my oldest daughter in a co-op for next year. Never mind how she feels, I am having conflicting feelings right now. After reading up on the handbook and looking at the forms and registration papers needed for tomorrow, I am having mixed feelings. My stomach is literally in knots at the moments.
It's only one class! I'm not putting her in for every subject, just one- science. Then why am I sitting here feeling like a failure? I knew this day would come.
Why am I enrolling her in this particular co-op?
1. We have gotten to the point where I cannot effectively teach her science. I truly dislike science. There is no way around it, I dislike it all- plants, the human body, electricity, animals, nature, etc. I don't like the experiments, especially because they rarely turn out right.
2. She has had a formal science education thus far and to incorporate it into unit studies or lapbooks would really be an injustice for her.
3. She deserves a chance to go a class with her peers and get a good science education.
4. It is close by, is one day a week, only an hour long, and is on a day/time that suits our hectic schedule.
So, why am I a bundle of nerves at the moment?
1. Jay isn't here to discuss it with. Although, I know his reaction would simply be, "Just keep her home, don't spend money we don't have."
2. It's a serious, year long commitment. I am not one who usually runs from commitments, just those that are long term and for something that is "the unknown".
3. It means that my baby is growing up = I can't hold her hand, walk her to class, talk to her teacher each week afterwards to see how she's doing. According to the handbook and other students I have talked with, I just drop her off. I don't even do that at church. I walk her in to make sure she gets to where she needs to go, that there is adult supervision, and (secretly, to hug her goodbye before leaving). Now, I usually do it with the pretense of having to get a drink of water, using the restroom or that I need to chat with someone about something for a moment. Yes, this will be a growing experience for both of us.
4. Accountability. Not just accountability for her, but for me too. I have never had to answer to anyone for my children's education. What if I haven't taught her some crucial skill, and she goes to this class completely unprepared, embarrassing herself and me?
5. The cost. It is a lot of money for one class! The registration fee, technical fee, tuition, copy fee, lab/supply fee, and textbook fee. Now granted, I borrowed the book last year and I'm hoping (assuming) that she will let us keep it for one more year so I don't have to go out and buy that book too. It is a lot of money, more that we will spend for all of her other courses put together.
6. She will be missing the first week of class due to a scheduled vacation. How does that work? Does that put her behind right from the get-go? Will her teacher hold it against her? This will also guide us in what we can and cannot do for the entire school year. We like our off season vacations. How does this affect that? Petty and selfish, I know, but still a concern.
7. Lastly, I feel like a bit of a failure because she is in 7th grade and I am not able to effectively teach her science. I can handle Emily's science. I've taught 4th grade Science before. I am getting into new territory and feel inadequate. What if I cannot handle teaching high school. These are genuine fears that I have!
Another thought is what if I love the class so much that I feel the need to put her in there for more classes the following year? Does that mean I am getting lazy and practically giving on on my dream, desire CALLING to homeschool our children? I already know that she will need to take a foreign language else where. Where does it stop? Will I want to put her in for writing or math because it's getting too difficult for me? This scenario is a year and a half off, but it is still on my mind. I'm not trying to borrow trouble from tomorrow when I'm trying to manage with today, but I think that is just what I am doing to myself.
Now that I got all of that out, the queasiness is gone. I feel better.
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